What if I were tell you that all of us have a subconscious version of ourselves living within us. Have you ever noticed during an argument or an adverse experience that you may be throwing a "hissy-fit" or you take a step back and say to yourself, "wow, that was childish". There is a very clear explanation for this. The idea is that we have a subconscious and conditioned version of ourselves that can take over when we are faced with a challenging experience. This concept stems from a psychotherapy practice used in therapeutic settings to help individuals heal from their past traumas or suppressed emotions and beliefs. The inner-child for a lot of people symbolizes joy, fun, love, etc. Unfortunately, not everyone's inner-child takes this form due to adverse or traumatic childhood's.
The definition of the inner child from Harley Therapy’s blog reads "The inner child reflects the child we once were in both his or her ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ aspects. Both our unmet needs and suppressed childhood emotions, as well as our childlike innocence, creativity, and joy, are still waiting within us." Accessing your inner-child allows you to find the root issues as an adult. Children who deal with traumatic experience's often learn to hide their pain and live in a state of survival.
If people told you that, "you aren't smart enough" or "men don't cry", understand your inner-child becomes damaged, hurt, and will always remember. There are many things you can do to connect with your inner child. I would always suggest doing it in a professional environment with a licensed therapist in order to work through the trauma itself, but in the meantime, you can start to listen and form a relationship. Some say writing letters to your inner child, yoga, and meditation, and actually talking to this child out loud are very impactful ways of creating this lost relationship. You are essentially "parenting" yourself to receive what wasn't given in childhood. Someone explained to me once that she was getting her little daughter ready for school pictures and her daughter didn't like the way her mother did her hair. The mother was very receptive and explained to her she will do her hair however she wanted which would make her feel pretty. She then dropped her daughter off at school and processed what happened and the reaction that would have come from HER mother if she reacted that way. She explained that she saw her inner child running around with pig tails and lipstick feeling so beautiful and it made her sob in the happiest of tears. She was healing her inner-child in the process of building confidence and self esteem within her own daughter.
Creating this relationship in my opinion is paramount to the healing process with people suffering from (but not limited to) PTSD, CPTSD, mental health issues as well as addiction. Creating this relationship with my inner child allowed me to empathize with my story which gave me permission to start forgiving myself. It is heartbreaking to me that throughout my life, the child within was screaming at me for help, and my response was self-hatred (which in reality was further traumatizing my inner child). It has been a euphoric experience for me to learn to love the child within and validate the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that he carries. Understand any time you use negative self-talk, self-harm, or neglect of self you are actually harming the innocence of your child within, and any time you use positive self-talk and love you are validating the very child that has been longing for it.
here is another technique which is called tap in love resources, I help my clients to connect them to memories of loving and being loved and experiences with cherished family and friends from the past and present, they can connect more fully to their good hearts—the best antidote to self-loathing and shame. Even though they may have lost contact with that part of themselves, the love they have received is never lost. It continues to abide in their hearts. Tapping into love resources serves to increase self-worth and inspires motivation to withstand addiction urges. It decreases the experience of physical and emotional pain and increases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. When we help our clients recall those who have given them love, even for a very short time, this recollection can provide a light in the darkness that sustains the client and provides hope. They are worth something. Someone has loved them. This reservoir of love can be tapped in to help clients become better able to make use of that gift.
“Take a few moments to go inside and quiet your mind. Find that still place within yourself and rest there a while. Now, think: Who are the people or animals from your past and present that you have loved? “Go all the way back to your childhood—to parents, grandparents, nannies, friends, or teachers. As a child, did you have a special pet with whom you felt a special bond? Or, you can focus on those who are alive and special to you now: your children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, dog, cat, or horse.
Do you have a close friend you love? “If the people or animals are deceased and you feel sad when you think of them, see if you can put these feelings aside and focus only on your love for them. Remember that this love never dies. What they gave to you continues to be a resource for you throughout your life. You might want to imagine a container made of something strong into which you can put your grief or sadness or any other painful thoughts or feelings. The container can be a treasure box with a strong lid that you can open when you like. In the meantime, putting these less pleasant feelings in there will allow you to focus on the good feelings.
“Now bring up an image of one particular person or animal you love or have loved in the past. Bring the person or animal to mind as strongly as you can. The image should evoke only positive feelings. For example, you might imagine your daughter as a little girl, sitting on your lap as you read her a story. As you bring this image to mind, let yourself feel your love for her. Let that feeling of love fill your heart as much as possible.
“When you can hold the image and the loving feelings, begin to tap. Tap 6 to 12 times or longer, provided that the feelings strengthen or remain positive. “If it should become negative in any way—if sad memories or regretful feelings come up, for example—stop tapping. Bring up the image you began with again and try to find the loving feelings. If you find them, tap again, but only for a short time. If you cannot find the positive feelings, look for another being for whom you have loving feelings, and evoke the image and feelings with tapping again. This time, only tap a short while.” Have the client repeat this process with many beings for whom they have loving feelings. Guide them to bring each one to mind, feel the feelings of love and affection, and then tap to strengthen those feelings.
I hope you find this article helpful.
with love and gratitude
Kiran
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