Confidence is a skill

Here are the 3 most common myths about confidence that I come across:

Confidence is the absence of fear

Some people are born confident, others are not that lucky

I cannot create confidence, I must wait for it to come to me

Here is my take on confidence:

Confidence is not the absence of fear. It is the willingness to take fear along for the ride and try anyway. The mindset is one of willingness to sit with uncertainty about success or failure. This willingness comes from clarity that your actions are in line with your own personal values. It also comes from a self-compassionate mindset. This means knowing that you will have your own back and do the best by yourself, even in the face of failure. Treating yourself with kindness and encouragement rather than contempt and shame takes the sting out of failure.

People are not born confident. They learn it from the people they are surrounded by throughout childhood and early adulthood. Learning confidence for the first time as an adult is difficult but not impossible.

The trouble with waiting for confidence to come to you, is that it never arrives. That’s because confidence does not come before action. The action comes first, then the confidence builds. If you start with small, achievable steps, the confidence grows.

Therefore, learning skills such as self-compassion helps to build confidence. You learn to trust yourself that you have your own best interests at heart. You then feel safe to try because you feel safe to fail.

What is your favorite memory of feeling at your best and brimming with confidence? Share with us in the comments.

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