Break Free: Stop Avoiding and Start Living Again After Trauma

Trauma leaves scars, and often, those scars lead to avoidance. We try to steer clear of anything that reminds us of the pain. This is a natural response, and it's a core symptom of PTSD. But while avoidance might offer temporary relief, it shrinks our world, limiting our experiences and isolating us from joy.

The Trap of Avoidance:

Avoiding painful feelings can become a habit, a way of life. But constantly pushing emotions away can numb us, making it difficult to understand what we're even feeling. We might lose memories of the trauma, leaving us feeling disoriented and detached. We withdraw from people and activities we once loved, leading to profound loneliness. We might even feel like our future is cut short, that we won't experience normal life milestones.

The Courage to Reclaim Your Life:

Breaking free from avoidance takes courage. It means facing discomfort and stepping outside our shrinking comfort zone. But the rewards are immense: reclaiming our lives and building a future filled with hope.

Finding Your Motivation:

To find the motivation to tackle avoidance, we need to understand how PTSD is limiting us. worksheet below can help us identify the areas of our lives most affected by trauma and set goals for change.

Worksheet : The Effects of PTSD on Values and Goals

Purpose: To understand how PTSD limits your life and develop motivation for change.

Instructions:

1. Describe the Interference: Write about how your PTSD symptoms are impacting your relationships, work, hobbies, or spirituality.

2. Rate Importance and Satisfaction: Rate the importance and your satisfaction with areas like family, work, relationships, and spirituality.

3. Choose an Area to Focus: Select the area that is most important to you and least satisfying.

4. Set Three Goals: List three specific, achievable goals to improve that area in the next three months.

Example:

"Because of my trauma, I isolate myself. My relationships are suffering. I want to connect again."

• Family: Very Important, Not Satisfied

• Goal 1: Call a family member once a week.

• Goal 2: Attend a family gathering, even if for a short time.

• Goal 3: Share a positive memory with a loved one.

Using Metaphors for Change:

Metaphors can help us shift our perspective and approach avoidance differently. Metaphors encourages you to create your own metaphor for facing difficult situations.

Worksheet : Creating a Change Metaphor

Purpose: To create a personal metaphor for facing avoided situations and emotions.

Instructions:

1. Read the Examples: See the provided examples of personal change metaphors.

2. Create Your Own: Think of an activity, thing, or place you love or find inspiring, and use it to create a metaphor for facing your fears.

Example:

"My change metaphor is learning to swim. I'm afraid of the deep end (my trauma), but I need to learn to float (manage my emotions) and eventually swim (live fully) to reach the other side (healing)."

another example "My change metaphor is a garden. I think I need to look at my life like a garden. I would have loved a yard full of roses and plenty of vegetable plants. But I know that most of my yard is too shady and not rainy enough to raise lettuce. I am going to accept the garden I have, where I notice the green hostas growing well and a few yellow dandelions on the edges."

another metaphor from client " my change metaphor is my living room. I really hate the color brown, but most of the furniture and the walls of my living room are brown. I totally avoid my living room. The shape of the room is all wrong too— it’s too long and narrow, so it’s hard to fit in the sofa I want. I never read books in there and rarely sit there to relax. Recently, I realized that avoiding that room doesn’t make it any less brown and it doesn’t change the shape— it just means I have less space to hang out. I’m going to start figuring out how to redo that room to make it a place that I can use. I guess that means opening the door to that brown room and figuring out what I want to do next".

Reclaiming Your Life:

Avoiding trauma might seem like the safest option, but it ultimately keeps us trapped in the past. By facing our fears and reclaiming our lives, we can build a future filled with hope and meaning.

Remember: Healing is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, seek support, and take small steps towards living again.

At your service

With Love and Gratitude