5 styles of conflict management

in this article, we explore the five styles of conflict management and how you can use it to work with people more effectively.

The five styles of conflict management model was developed by Thomas Kilman conflict mode instrument that includes accommodating, avoiding, compromising, collaborating, and competing. here is how it works:

1. Accommodating

An accommodating style forsakes your own needs or desires in exchange for those of others. You would be putting the concerns of others before your own. This style usually takes place when you simply give in or are persuaded to give in. This is you win , I lose in which we are focused on keeping the relationship harmonious at cost of ourself and our worth as we giving in .

It will build resentment and anger and will make us feel like we are being taken advantage of if you sacrificing yourself all the time . Do it strategically but not too much

This style could be appropriate when others care more about the issue than you do, you want to keep the peace, you feel as though you are in the wrong, or you have no choice but to agree with the other person’s point-of-view.

2. Avoiding

An avoiding style completely evades the conflict. You would neither pursue your beliefs nor those of the other people involved. Simply, you would continuously postpone or completely dodge the conflict whenever it comes up.when it’s no right time to adress it then use this but do not avoid to avoid confrontation and feelings . Don’t use avoiding to get away from it . It lead to feelings of not being heard.

This style could be appropriate to use when the conflict seems trivial, you don't have the time, you need more time to think, you feel as though you have no chance of winning, or you're afraid of being met with resentment.

3. Compromising

A compromising style attempts to find a solution that will at least partially please all parties. You would work to find a middle ground between all the needs, which would typically leave people unsatisfied or only satisfied to a certain extent. its like "I give something up and you give something up too". Perhaps we take turns being right , it settles the dispute quickly. however it leads to suboptimal result and unhappiness and doesn't bring creativity and innovation.

This style could be appropriate when it's more important to reach a solution than for the solution to be great, a deadline is rapidly approaching, you're at an impasse, or you need a temporary solution for the moment.

4. Collaborating

A collaborating style attempts to find a solution that will meet the needs of all parties. Rather than trying to find a middle ground solution, you would aim for a solution that satisfies everyone and ends up being a win-win situation. its win for both parties, bring total value , task focused and relationship focused . Make relationships better and stronger. when using this approach both parties should be willing to vulnerable and consider both parties needs and interests that bring solutions together. it is about the common goal for both parties and agree on that. From go me and you versus "us" problem and fight against common challenge. The beauty of this is that it separate the person from the problem and focus on how can we work together to get same side of the table rather then being separate .

This style could be appropriate when multiple perspectives need to be addressed, there is an important relationship between the parties, the final solution is too important for anyone to be displeased, or the beliefs of multiple stakeholders must be represented.

5. Competing

A competing style takes a firm stance and refuses to see the perspectives of the other parties. You would keep pushing your viewpoint or rejecting other people’s ideas until you get your way. its all about I win, you lose meaning using overpowering on others. if this is something you learned that from your life experiences this will only lead to escalation.

This style could be appropriate when you have to stand up for your rights or morals, need to make a quick decision and force others to get on board, need to end a long-term conflict, or have to prevent a terrible, opposing decision from being made. Use facts if you competing and be mindful of your language and do not use this all the time .

Now that you're familiar with the different ways to approach conflict, let's see how you can use these styles in day-to-day conflicts.

Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Conflict Management Style

1. How much do you value the person or issue?

It may influence you to choose one strategy over another based on how much you value the person with whom you have a conflict or the issue over which you are conflicted. It may not seem worth it to continue a long-term conflict if you're worried about ruining your relationship with someone, but it also may make your relationship stronger to come to a consensus.

2. Do you understand the consequences?

You should be prepared for the consequences of partaking in the conflict. Especially in a professional environment, there could be serious consequences for continuing a conflict with a higher-up. However, as long as you know the potential risks, you can decide whether or not to prolong the conflict. Give yourself a clear overview of all the positive and negative consequences beforehand.

3. Do you have the necessary time and energy to contribute?

By entering a conflict with a firm stance, you are preparing yourself for what could be a long-term ordeal requiring research, presentations, conversations, and stress. Before diving in, ensure that you have the time in your schedule to dedicate yourself to the conflict.

In addition — and more importantly — ensure that you care enough about the conflict that it's worth the energy you will need to pour into it every day. Going back and forth on a topic with others can be exhausting if it's not meaningful to you.

Thank you for reading .

I am grateful for your support.

with love and Gratitude

Kiran